By Ryder Mills, C4SO NextGen Leadership Team

Last week, college students’ lives were turned upside down as they were given a day or two’s notice to pack up and move home to an uncertain future. This week, I decided to make a priority to call as many of our college students as I could, especially those who grew up at our church. I had no idea what to say— and not much to offer as far as advice—but I wanted to make sure they were not dealing with this on their own. I also wanted to invite them into community with one another.

Amidst the many needs right now, a few things are affecting college students specifically. Keep these things in mind as you care for them:

  • They’re uprooted from their community.

Many colleges gave 24-hour notices to move out. Students went from expecting to go on spring break to heading home for the summer. One week away from their friend groups, roommates, college ministries, etc., suddenly became five months. And even though they moved home, many are practicing social distancing, which means they are also separated from their high school friends who moved home.

  • They’re uncertain about the implications for their future.

As students find themselves in a sudden exile, they have no clear vision of the future. None of us knows what the next weeks, months and years will hold, but college students feel this acutely as their education and budding career paths are disrupted. They’re also wondering about their own vocational future in the wake of the unknown economic impact of the pandemic.

  • This is the first time they’ve dealt with a major global crisis in their lifetime.

We’re all dealing with the other factors to one degree or another, but this one is pretty specific to young people. Those who’ve weathered many storms in their lives may be able to endure this season with a stiff upper lip, but for many young people, this is the first major crisis of their lifetime. Young adults are going through the same whirlpool of information and anxiety as the rest of us, but they’ve never sailed these waters before.

In this moment of social and personal distress, our conversations with college students are opportunities to pray for them, join them in reading scripture, and care for them and their unique experience of this challenge. In order to keep my own conversations on track, I put together a few questions to ask each person I called. I listened to their responses first as a hearer, and second to inform how I can pray for or encourage them in their faith.

Feel free to use these 5 questions in conversation with your own college students.

1. How is this affecting you?

I wanted to understand what each person was dealing with, including their living situation, relational context with their family, and economic impact, as many have been laid off from food service jobs.

2. What are some of the things you’re feeling?

This question helped my college students to process what is happening—to move from thinking about the events of recent days and weeks to feeling their various responses to those events. Because so many emotions are swirling in each of us, I followed up with: “Is there anything else?”

3. Are you taking it one day at a time?

None of us has any idea about the future. We all have less control than we’d like to right now. I’m a planner by nature, so this question has been on repeat in my own mind this week. Do what good you can today. Tomorrow has enough trouble on its own.

4. What’s something small you can take responsibility for making good?

When we feel powerless, we feel anxious. Taking responsibility for something small is one way we can decrease our anxiety, while also taking a more active posture toward our lives. The act of creating – baking, drawing, playing music, etc.—helps us to create order out of chaos, connecting us back with God as creatures made in his image.

5. Are you taking care of each other?

In every conversation, I emphasized the importance of relational connection during social distancing. It takes more work right now, but we need it more than ever. Now that we can’t rely on a central gathering place or event for that connection, we all need to step up to continue to love people across the distance. This is a way of taking on a small responsibility for contributing to relationships.

I ended every conversation with this reminder: Whatever this is, we will go through it together. We are not alone. And we don’t have to go through this alone. The full impact of this season is still a mystery, but our response doesn’t have to be. Whatever the future holds, we can commit to caring for one another.

You may wish to share this prayer with your college students:

Increase, O God, the spirit of neighborliness among us, that in peril we may uphold one another, in suffering tend to one another, and in homelessness, loneliness, or exile befriend one another. Grant us brave and enduring hearts that we may strengthen one another, until the disciplines and testing of these days are ended, and you again give peace in our time; through Jesus Christ our Lord.  Amen.

I hope these thoughts are helpful as you love on college students in your circle of influence. Remember, every conversation you have right now is a pastoral care conversation, whether you wear a collar or not. Now is the time for the priesthood of all believers to take that mantle seriously, lovingly and humbly. Encourage your college students to step into it as well.

Whatever this is, we will go through it together.

Do you have questions or ideas about raising up the Next Generation of leaders in your community? Contact the Rev. Aaron Buttery, C4SO NextGen Leader.  

Ryder Mills is two years into full-time youth ministry at Christ Church Anglican in Overland Park, Kansas, a church of about 750 with 50 students engaged in its youth ministry. He serves on the C4SO NextGen Leadership Team and is excited to plan and test strategies to develop leadership in students.